Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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