i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
