Have you finally orgasmed yet?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
