I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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