eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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