The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
