i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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