Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
