I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
