the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Houston, we have a squirter
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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