Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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