I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
