YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
