Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
