If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
