if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
