I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
