just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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