just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
