I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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