Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
