First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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