i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
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He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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