you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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