You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
