I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.