I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
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He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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