I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!