So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"