White coat. Heels.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.