It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
ugly people sure do ruin things
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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