at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
