the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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