And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
