so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
