so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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