Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's blow job season.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
