hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize