real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize