If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
