ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
