Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
