dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
