Me too!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize