Soap is not a condiment
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
