he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
third nipple confirmed
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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