I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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