it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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