o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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