Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
