ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
