like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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