I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
