I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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