we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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