OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
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She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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