he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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