I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
