Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
