Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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