3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
she smelled like a LAN party
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
